Alfonso

Once there was a prince named Alfonso who became a rock star. Ashamed of his son's ghastly hairdo and makeup, the king locked him away in a tall tower. Naturally, Alfonso's record sales soared along with his reputation as the son who fell from grace. As years passed, the exact location of his tower was forgotten, and Alfonso became a legend. (Actually he'd been so busy playing video games that he neglected to leave a forwarding address. The fan mail, hotel keys, and lacy underwear returned to their senders outnumbered the regular pieces of mail five to one, and the Royal Post Office created a whole new department called "The Department of the Return of Official Post for Princely Entertainers and Drug-addicts". DROPPED eventually filled an entire city block and employed over 8000 people.)

Enthusiastic fans scoured the countryside searching for the living legend and his lost tower. One girl found it. "Alfonso, Alfonso, let down your hair!" she cried. Alfonso obliged, and she attempted to climb his matted dingy mane up to the top. Unfortunately (for her) his hair was so oily that she lost her grip, fell, and broke her neck. Fortunately (for him) stories of Alfonso and his tragic "love affair" drove his record sales to even greater heights.

Conservatives (many of whom were DROPPED employees) bitterly complained that Prince Alfonso was a bad role model. Music critics complained that he couldn't carry a tune in a paper sack. Feminists complained about his tower and its implied phallo-centric worldview. The Simpsons featured him in an episode about ice fishing. Alfonso's next album, Screw Everybody, went platinum in less than twenty-four hours.

Meanwhile, the Royal Treasury had been plundered by a traveling transvestite con artist peddling cosmetics and pyramid schemes. The king and his advisers decided to replenish the treasury by releasing the prince from his tower and asking him to perform in the Royal Amphitheatre. Prince Alfonso and the Tower of Power was called the "must see event of the year" by the king's favorite newspaper, The Royal Report. Unfortunately, the alternative newspaper, The Royal Pain, misreported the event, and their Prince Al-fairy and the Tower of Flowers article circulated faster than bad gossip.

Twenty-one golf games later, the prince and the king reconciled their differences. Twenty-one tennis games later, they were best friends. As their friendship grew, Alfonso's bad-boy image and record sales started to fade. His latest album, I Just Wanna Be Loved, was a bigger flop than M.C. Hammer Sings VeggieTales.

Prince Alfonso started dating a nice princess from a nearby kingdom. She forced him to clean up his act--taking a bath more than once a month and cutting his hair. The volume of mail passing through DROPPED fell so much they had to lay off 5000 employees. Suddenly, the conservatives' children had to spend their allowance on food and rent rather than the latest Prince Alfonso album. This was the final nail in the coffin of Alfonso's music career.

Alfonso spent the rest of his princely years starring in low-rated reality shows and children's programs. When the king died, King Alfonso mandated that all radio stations play his music. That's when people started shutting off their radios and reading books. That is, until little Prince Alexi wanted to become a writer.